


Wet Painters

by AyasakiArchive



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Based on a SpongeBob SquarePants Episode, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24625627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyasakiArchive/pseuds/AyasakiArchive
Summary: Dia enlists Yoshiko and Hanamaru's assistance in painting Ruby's room. It goes as well as you'd expect. (A Spongebob parody.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Wet Painters

It was a slow day for the school idols of Uranohoshi.

Instead of the usual complement of nine excitable girls exchanging idol ideas and idle ideas, it was just down to two, the others having been occupied with non-idol activities such as tending to a diving shop or student council work.

So what happens when you leave Yoshiko and Hanamaru in a club room together without an effective moderating influence?

"Kukukuku... The time has come for the ritual to reach its climax!" declared Yoshiko. She stood at the head of the table, a strange brew swirling in a hotpot before her as she held up a single petal of wilted nightshade.

"Is this really going to be edible, zura?" remarked Hanamaru as she leered skeptically from her chair, a book held open in her hands.

"Behold! The final of the secret and unholy 53 herbs and spices!" She dropped the nightshade into the pot and clapped her hands. "Compound create!"

A few seconds later, the door to the School Idol Club burst open as thick acrid smoke poured out of the room, Yoshiko and Hanamaru falling out onto the floor in a coughing fit in their sudden and inexplicable quest to acquire oxygen.

All in all, just another day in the life of a fallen angel and her constantly put upon little demon.

Just then Dia wandered by, the student council president having finished her duties. She took one look at the pair and sighed. "Just what on earth is going on here this time?"

Yoshiko perked up at the chance to explain her latest harebrained idea. "Well-!"

"Stop. The question was rhetorical. I can see that you've nothing better to do than cause me headaches." She shook her head in exasperation. "Idol hands truly are the devil's tools..."

"Oh that's good! Can I use that?" asked Yoshiko eagerly.

Dia's response was a disapproving stare.

To offer her own opinion on the matter, Hanamaru reached up and chopped the blunette over the head. "Zura."

"Hmm. Unless you're set on wasting your time and energy on frivolous pursuits, perhaps you'd be interested in performing a task for me?" offered the ravenette.

Yoshiko and Hanamaru exchanged curious looks and a shrug, then returned their gazes to Dia and nodded succinctly.

"Excellent. I assure you this will be more fulfilling than causing massive property damage. Follow me."

* * *

When the transition ended, Hanamaru and Yoshiko found themselves in the Kurosawa household outside of a very familiar space: Ruby's room.

"Ruby's room needs a new coat of paint and I would like the two of you to provide it," instructed Dia as she handed her recruits some paint and brushes. "Normally I would insist on Ruby directing this herself, but I believe she would be fine with the two of you filling in, especially since she's unavailable at the moment."

"Where is Ruby-chan, zura?" asked Hanamaru.

"Ruby is currently out of town."

"What? Where did she go?"

**FLASHBACK:**

_"Please Dia! I'm begging you! Let me borrow your sister!" pleaded Mari as she knelt before the ravenette in a rigid dogeza pose._

_Dia sighed. "You realize she's her own person, yes? Still, what do you want her for?"_

_Mari looked up. "I'm attending a tech convention as a panelist and I need to pretend to be an older sister."_

**END FLASHBACK:**

"What?! Why didn't she ask me?!" exclaimed Yoshiko, offended.

**FLASHBACK:**

_"Why don't you ask Yoshiko-san?" inquired Dia._

_"I want to make a good impression."_

**END FLASHBACK:**

"Excuse me?! I feel SO insulted!" cried the blunette indignantly.

"There, there zura," comforted Hanamaru, patting her back. "You might be kind of a hot mess, but you're our hot mess."

"Gee thanks," came the deadpan response.

"But let me give you two a warning," said Dia as she leaned in intimidatingly. "This paint is absolutely permanent! If either of you ruin my dear sister's room by getting paint on anything that isn't wall, there will be consequences. **Severe** consequences."

"L-Like what?" stuttered out Yoshiko.

Dia eyed the blunette. "For you, Yoshiko-san, I will tear out your hair bun and mount it on my wall!"

Yoshiko gulped in fear.

"A-A-And me, zura?"

Dia looked at Hanamaru. "...I will be very disappointed in you, Hanamaru-san."

"ZURAAA!" shrieked the brunette in terror.

"And with that, I shall take my leave. Do your best for Ruby."

As Dia departed, the door to the hallway slammed shut, sealing the two painters within. Exchanging nervous glances, they turned around to get a better look at their friend's room.

And promptly deflated at the sight of so much idol paraphernalia covering the walls. Posters, wall scrolls, shelves full of nesos and so much more decorated every square inch of Ruby's room.

"Wow zura... I've never really noticed how much stuff Ruby-chan has in here. There's a lot to accidentally get paint on." She frowned in thought. "Do you think we should take all these things down first before we start painting, zura?"

"No way!" dismissed Yoshiko indignantly, "We're not getting paid to move stuff!"

"Yoshiko-chan, we're not getting paid at all, zura."

The blunette opened her mouth to retort but found that she no comeback for that. Scowling, she dropped her painting supplies on the floor. "Well, whatever! Laziness breeds ingenuity, so let's get creative!"

And with that, she spread out her signature black multicloth in preparation for a ritual.

* * *

"Um, Yoshiko-chan? Are you sure this the best way to paint, zura?" asked Hanamaru skeptically.

As the bookish girl sat patiently on Ruby's bed with an open novel on her lap, the self-proclaimed fallen angel had set up a can of paint on a Bunsen burner, gradually stirring the paint with a paintbrush as she periodically mixed in all manner of malevolent miscellanies.

Once more, the pair found themselves without an effective moderating influence. It was like they'd never left the club room.

Perhaps Dia should have seen this coming.

From her place in the middle of the multicloth, Yoshiko giggled sinisterly. "Of course, my little demon. Everyone knows auto-painting may only be achieved with the most ancient and arcane arts of alchemy. Now watch as I add the final component of this ritual, the key ingredient necessary to summon a dark spirit capable of menial labor!"

"I don't think Ruby-chan will appreciate it if we accidentally call a ghost to haunt her room, zura," muttered Hanamaru.

"Behold!" declared Yoshiko, dropping an excessive amount of nightshade into her mixture. (She really liked her nightshade.) "Auto Paint Go!"

On cue, the paint began to bubble.

"Uh, Yoshiko-chan? Is that supposed to happen?" asked Hanamaru with concern.

"...Y-Yeah, totally!" replied Yoshiko as a drop of sweat appeared on the back of her head. "That means a gateway is opening for a spirit."

Suddenly, a giant bubble rose from the paint can, ballooning to giant size as Yoshiko fell back with a squeak.

"ZURA! Turn it off, turn it off!" cried Hanamaru as she dove beneath the covers.

"Right!" agreed the blunette as she reached for the burner's dial. Unfortunately, she yanked it too hard and the knob broke off with a crack. The burner's flame flared up instead. "Oh no!" she exclaimed.

Now looming above her, the paint bubble increased to enormous proportions, dwarfing both school idols as it took on a life of its own, growing rapidly from the fire.

"Wah! Get down!" cried Yoshiko as she dove beneath the bed.

From atop her, under blankets that smelled like her dearest friend whose room they were now almost certain to destroy, Hanamaru could literally feel the pressure as the bubble pressed against her. "ZURAAAA!" she wailed.

BAM!

The paint bubble exploded with concussive force, scattering paint all over the room in a wildly stupid way as it perfectly patterned the walls with a new and vibrant shade of color. The deluge lasted only a few moments, but it felt like a small eternity to the two painters as they weathered the storm. Eventually though, in the quiet aftermath of the explosion, curiosity won out, and they both peaked out of their hiding spaces to behold what had been wrought.

Their jaws dropped at the unreal sight before them.

Her eyes sparkling in wonder, Hanamaru clapped her hands together and exulted. "We did it zura! We painted the whole room without getting any paint on anything but the- ZURA!" She cut herself off with an exclamation. Hands trembling in trepidation, she reached towards the wall and removed a single artifact.

"Excuse me? What's this 'we' stuff?" bragged Yoshiko. "It was MY ritual that did the work you know. You just hid under the covers."

The brunette turned to her friend, lip quivering in fear. "Yoshiko-chan, we didn't do it."

"Eh?"

"We didn't do it! We got paint on Ruby-chan's precious possession!" She held up the object to show Yoshiko. "Do you know what this is?"

Yoshiko blinked. "It looks like an autograph from someone named Hanayo."

Hanamaru gulped. "Yes, that's right. We got paint on Ruby-chan's Hanayo autograph zura!"

The fallen angel raised an eyebrow in skepticism. "I don't see any paint on there."

"That's because your eyesight is poor from staying up all night looking at computer screens, zura," shot back Hanamaru. "Anyway, this... this will be fine. I just need to clean off the paint." She gently wiped her finger over the minuscule droplet of paint, unfortunately creating a much larger splash. "Oh no..." She whimpered at her failure.

From over her shoulder, Yoshiko sighed. "Alright, give it here. Let me try." Taking the autograph from Hanamaru, she grabbed part of her multicloth and wiped the autograph. This time, the autograph came back completely coated. She sweatdropped. "Um..."

"This isn't good, zura! When Dia-san comes back and sees what we've done to Ruby-chan's autograph...!" She gulped.

"D-Don't worry Zuramaru! All we need to do is wash the paint off."

"But Dia-san said-"

"Forget what Dia-san said! Every paint comes off with something! We just need to find that special paint remover!"

* * *

Three washing machines, two fire hoses, and one fun-sized vat of hydrochloric acid later and the painters were no closer to achieving their goal than when they'd started.

They'd run the gamut of everything from physical removal, to chemical removal, to electrical removal. (Though Yoshiko accidentally defibrillated herself in the process. Twice.) Strangely, attempting to burn the paint off only revealed the baffling fact that this paint also doubled as fireproofing.

As Yoshiko and Hanamaru stepped back from their latest attempt to use a cheese grater to remove the paint, the former sighed and picked up a naginata she borrowed from Dia's room.

"May this blessed weapon strike down this dishonorable paint!" declared Yoshiko dramatically as she wound up to strike.

"Yoshiko-chan, wait!" interrupted the brunette. "We're not barbarians, zura!" She walked over to Ruby's laptop. "We have technology..." She picked up the laptop and slammed it on the autograph. "Zura! Zura! Zura!"

After a few slams, she looked at the autograph. It was still covered in paint. "Mirai janai zura!"

It was at this point that Yoshiko had enough.

"Oh for the love of-! What's so great about an autograph anyway?!" she cried. "It's just a name written in black ink on an otherwise normal piece of paper! I could just write her name on a blank piece of paper, stick it on the wall, and I bet no one would even notice a difference!" she fumed, "We might as well just grab a spare board from the closet, write HANAYO on it, and hang it on the wall! And it would-"

"Zura! Hurry Yoshiko-chan, look in Ruby-chan's closet!"

"Oh no way!" refused the blunette, "Mari already made me 'come out of the closet' once, and it was nowhere near as fun as the first time I did it!"

"Yoshiko-chan...!" implored Hanamaru.

Yoshiko sighed. "Fine," she complied. "But I don't see where you're going with- Oh hey! A blank autograph board!"

Hanamaru lit up in delight. "Your hair bun is safe Yoshiko-chan! Now all we have to do is-"

"Look! I drew a shark!" exclaimed Yoshiko happily as she held up the once blank autograph board. Sure enough, there was a shark splayed out all across the paper.

Hanamaru sighed with resignation. "You'll need to find a new place to put your feather, zura," she mumbled.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door. "Hanamaru-san. Yoshiko-san. Ruby and I are back and here to inspect your work."

"Zura!"

"Quick! Put it back on the wall! I've got an idea!"

The door opened to reveal Yoshiko and Hanamaru, standing at attention with stupidly dutiful smiles on their faces. "You're back!" greeted Yoshiko, "How wonderful to see you!"

Next to her, Hanamaru nodded enthusiastically. "We painted the entire room, and to your exacting specifications too zura!"

Emerald eyes narrowed in suspicion. Emerald eyes also sparkled happily at the sight of her best friends.

"Hmm. So you claim," said Dia. The older sister looked around at the interior of the room, her discerning gaze running across every square inch on the lookout for flaws.

Next to her, Ruby was doing the same, marveling at the job her friends had done for her, affection blooming in her heart. "This is amazing!" gushed the redhead. "It's such a wonderfully even coat, the gloss is beautiful, and there aren't even any bubbles!" She turned and gave both painters a great big hug. "Thank you both so, so much!"

"Aww, we love you too zura," returned Hanamaru.

The trio stayed in their embrace for a few heartfelt seconds before Yoshiko's sense of self-preservation broke the moment.

"Welp, we've got Ruby's approval so I think it's time for us to take our leave now. Gotta let Ruby admire the paint and get used to the color and all that. Don't want to overstay our welcome, you know?" rattled off Yoshiko as she latched onto Hanamaru's arm and gently pulled free from Ruby's hug.

"Eh? Don't you want to stay for dinner?" asked Ruby innocently as she stared at them with wide, pleading eyes.

"Dinner sounds nice," remarked the brunette favorably.

Yoshiko gulped as she noticed Dia gradually honing in on their mistake. "As much as we'd love to, we both have prior appointments that must be kept. You know how it is for a fallen angel and her little demon, always busy!" She leaned in and hissed into Hanamaru's ear. "We need to go. NOW."

"But dinner...!" whined the brunette.

Wordlessly, Yoshiko pointed to her hair bun and glared. With a sigh, Hanamaru fell in line.

"Yoshiko-chan's right, zura. We do have to get going." At her words, Ruby's face fell. "Ah, but we'll definitely come over next time and play the entire day, zura!"

Ruby offered an accepting smile and chirped an acknowledgement.

"Oh thank satan," muttered Yoshiko. She picked up her foot to step across the threshold into the hallway, when a commanding voice compelled her to freeze.

"Yoshiko-san. Hanamaru-san." Alarm shot through the painters as they begrudgingly turned to face the older sister. Dia's face was shrouded in darkness, a chill of cold fury emanating from her as a hand clutched the shoddy replacement item they'd whipped up for Ruby's Hanayo autograph. "Please explain why my sister's dear autograph has been replaced with this... this... phony certificate."

Instead of an autograph, the painters had scribbled across a sheet of line paper with the words: 'Ruby Kurosawa - Best Girl Award: Granted for being the undeniably best girl of Akoowa. Also she is littlest demon'.

For a few seconds, neither of them said anything. And then...

"I don't know what you're talking about," declared Yoshiko as she attempted to find safe refuge in audacity. "Clearly Ruby is best girl. And littlest demon too. Calling her award phony is just plain insulting to her, wouldn't you say?"

She flinched back immediately as a blade came within centimeters of her face, Dia having gotten her hands on the naginata the painters had brought into the room earlier. The weapon was literally glowing white hot with her incandescent rage.

" _YOSHIKO-SAN! HANAMARU-SAN!_ "

As the painters shrunk to the floor and began bawling while pleading for mercy, Dia's arms raised the naginata over her head in preparation to strike.

Then she brought the blade down, aimed straight for Yoshiko's hair bun.

The blade fell... and fell... and fell.

...only to freeze as the naginata was deftly caught by her sister's gentle hands.

As the Kurosawa sisters stared off against each other, Ruby offered a smile. "Onee-chan, there's no need to go this far. Won't you let me handle them?" she asked sweetly.

Faced with her little sister's adorable request, Dia was powerless. She let out a grunt and a nod before storming out of the room, burning naginata still in hand.

With the crisis averted, Ruby let out an exhale of relief and turned to her friends. The pair were groveling at her feet in seiza pose, murmuring apologies and pleading for forgiveness. She bid them to stand.

"It's okay, Hanamaru-chan, Yoshiko-chan," smiled Ruby magnanimously. She reached under her bed and grabbed a similar looking object, gently placing it on the spot where the ruined autograph had rested. Hanamaru and Yoshiko leaned in to see what it was.

It turned out to be another autograph from Hanayo, exactly the same as the one they'd ruined.

"You have another Hanayo autograph?!" they chorused.

Ruby nodded happily. "You know how it goes. One to display, one to preserve, and one to spread the fandom."

They both sweatdropped.

"Huh... Wait, so is this paint actually permanent then?" asked Yoshiko as she looked at the autograph they'd ruined.

"Of course not! This particular paint comes off with nightshade," explained Ruby.

Hanamaru sent a sideways stare at the blunette, the self-proclaimed fallen angel reaching into her pocket to retrieve a small bag of her favorite flower she always kept on hand for emergency rituals. "...I had the paint remover in my back pocket this entire time," she realized.

Yoshiko knelt over one of the spare cans of paint they had and emptied the entire bag into the open container. The three first-years watched in wonder as the flowers completely cleansed the can, the allegedly-permanent paint struggling valiantly in vain as it was absorbed into the eternal darkness of those poisonous petals.

At battle's end, there was not a single speck of paint remaining.

"Yoshiko-chan used nightshade," deadpanned Hanamaru, "Critical hit. It's supereffective zura."

**~END~**


End file.
